Update On My Friend & Her Heavy Battle

I wanted to let you all know that my dear friend with the eating disorder took a courageous, bold step & entered into an inpatient eating disorder facility in a nearby state.  She will be there for up to half a year getting treatment and improving her health.  The pain & fear she is going through right now is difficult but she is handling things well & is excited about taking a new step toward recovery each day that she is there.  I am so proud of her.

I would also like to thank each of you who contacted me personally about your own struggles with ED.  My heart is saddened & overwhelmed that so many of you are dealing with this.  Women that I would have never imagined in a million years are fighting this battle.  It just goes to show, ED does not discriminate.  Rich, poor, old, young, it makes no difference.  Thank you for being so candid in your stories and trusting me enough to spill your hearts.  Each of you are in my prayers daily.  Please feel free to contact me anytime if I can help you in any way. 

Wishing all of you love, health, & contentment!

 

Knocked Up!

Hey ya’ll,

After much praying & getting feedback from you guys, as well as doing some studying, I decided against taking Lupron.  However, I made an appointment to start other fertility drugs this Thursday.  I am thrilled to say though, that won’t be necessary!  I took 2 pregnancy tests last night & both said “Way to go Jared!  You did it!”  Ok, really, they just gave me 2 pink lines but it’s basically the same thing, right?  Hip hip hooray!  I cannot even begin to express our excitement & joy.  Whomever said the power of prayer doesn’t work needs some serious prayers said for them!  What are the odds, we would go through everything we’ve been through & two days before I am to start fertility meds, we would find out there is a bun in the oven?  God is so great you guys!  Last month the doctor was telling me my odds were at 50% and decreasing therefore I need to be put into early menopause, and this month I am pregnant.  I am in love with the circumstances in my life right now.  I appreciate this gift so much more given everything we have been through.  It is still a waiting game given our miscarriage history but we are remaining hopeful and optimistic.  Please keep us in your prayers while we soar through the first trimester.  Love to you all!

Lupron & Endometriosis

I’m writing this post with the hopes that I can get some advice so even if you are a visitor to my blog, please feel free to leave me a comment.  Every word is appreciated.

As most of you know I had surgery 6 months ago to remove endometriosis.  It has now been a full year of trying to conceive since our miscarriage with no luck.  My doctor asked me to come back in yesterday & has said my only option is to be put into menopause for 6 months with a drug called Lupron.  It consists of monthly injections & a whirlwind of side effects, as you can imagine while forcing my body to grow through “the change.”  It will temporarily disolve what is left of the endometriosis & after 6 months the hope is we’ll start with a clean palate & be able to conceive.  My endo is more severe than I had originally understood.  My doctor said that after every cycle I am decreasing my chances of ever becoming pregnant.  Right now I am 50% less likely to get pregnant than I was a year ago.  Therefore, if I wait another year without treatment who knows what my odds will be.  However, something in my gut is telling me this Lupron isn’t the answer for me.  And maybe that’s just because it scares me (especially after the horror stories I read online about it causing permanent menopause in your 20’s) or maybe it’s something more.  All I know is when I have gone against my gut in the past, I later regret it.

If anyone has thoughts, suggestions, or personal testimonies, please please please let me know.  There are a few endomitriosis specialists out there in other states who cut the endo out permanently rather than burn it off.  From my understanding it is extremely expensive though & hard to get insurance companies to pay for it.  I have horrible insurance for myself which makes me extra nervous.

Sorry my past 2 post have been nothing short of depressing.  Sometimes when life sends pain & trials all it once, it’s easiest to type them up & get it off the brain so that I can move on to focusing on all the great blessings in my life like my one in a million husband & my little angel Chandler.  Thanks for taking the time to read them & I promise to get some happier stuff on here soon!  I love you all!

Think Unrealistic Ads Don’t Affect Young Girls? Think Again.

I have an amazing friend.  She is smart, funny, loving, & so much fun to be around.  We met nearly 10 years ago & instantly bonded.  My first thought upon seeing her was “WOW! That girl is stunning!”  She is loyal to her core & beautiful beyond words.  These are the characteristics I see when I look into my friend’s big, beautiful, brown eyes.  However, I see something more.  I see pain & fear.  Regret & exhaustion.  Despair & anguish.  Confusion & sadness.  For inside of her lives a great demon.  A dictator, if you will, always putting her down, telling her she’s not good enough, blinding her from seeing her true beauty that is so obvious to the rest of the world.  It is a man’s voice & he uses food to control her.  Her worth is based on how many calories she has consumed that day.  He does not allow her to fulfill her own emotional needs but forces her to be the ultimate people pleaser.  We call him ED.  ED is like that domestic abuser the abusee just won’t leave.  I hate ED.  I hate him for slowly taking my friend’s life .  I hate him for the years I personally spent shackled & chained to him.  I love that I was eventually able to break free but I hate that my friend has not.  After years of struggling, she is losing her battle.  ED is killing her.  It started with her spirit & now I fear he will take the rest of her.  A heart specialist was called in to deal with her cardiovascular issues.  Her own body has begun to eat away at her brain as the last source of nutrition it can find.  I can see my friend slowly disappearing both physically & mentally.  A nurse recently told her that even her breath carries the scent of a body shutting down.  Unless something changes, she could quite soon be leaving behind a 4-year-old child, parents who love her dearly, & friends who would do anything for her.  I know all too well the thoughts she is having.  The pain, guilt, & embarrassment she is overcome with.  I also know the strength it takes to climb a mountain of hope on a rope of faith & what it’s like to throw those burdens, along with ED, off the side of that mountain once you reach the top.  I just wish there were a way to get her to see that spectacular view.  She’s sees it’s possible based on my own recovery, the challenge is getting her to see herself in that position of health.  She is a Christian & has been so brave in getting help from our assistant pastor, even in the middle of the night which is a huge step for a people pleaser.  I am so proud of her for the steps she has taken, she just needs the courage to take more.  She was on her way to an eating disorder facility last week after an intervention but lost the courage and came home.  For someone who has never been through this, it’s easy to judge & say “that was stupid!”  Let me tell you this, it is one of the most terrifying experiences, to this day, that I have ever been through.  The control an eating disorder has over a mind is incomprehensible unless you have experienced it.  It is hell on earth & yet somehow, when you struggle with it, life on earth without it seems like hell.  It’s a horrible vicious cycle.  So don’t judge.  Just pray.  Please pray for my hurting friend.  Please pray for her health & for a positive attitude that is strong & courageous & willing to do all it takes to win this battle.  There is light at the end of the tunnel baby girl.  Grab hold of the slightest glimpse & go after it without looking back.  You are so much more than this nasty disease.  It does not define you!  You were made in God’s beautiful image & that is the only voice you need to listen to.

Below, is the website for Dove.  They have a foundation dedicated to the self-esteem of young girls.  Please check out the videos if you have a young daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece, or if you have self esteem issues of your own.  Adolesance is when the spiraling decent begins.  You talk to your kids about smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, etc… why not talk to them about this too?  Eating disorders & suicide are the leading cause of death in teenage girls & young women.  The LEADING cause.  It’s no longer a taboo subject.  If you don’t talk to them, someone else will & it may not be in a negative context.  It’s the new peer pressure.

www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca  – click on “a dove film” at the top & you will be directed to the list of videos.  They are powerful.

ALSO, if you want a better visual understanding of what goes on inside someones mind when they have an addiction Kayla & Kupono from So You Think You Can Dance, Season 5, did a POWERFUL piece where Kupono is the addiction & Kayla is trying to break free.  It is the most powerful lyrical dance number I have ever witnessed.  Just google “So you think you can dance kayla & kupono addiction” & you can watch it on youtube.  (Thank you Breclyn for telling me about this.  It is AWESOME!)

Into The Sunset

At an hour when I should be sleeping I can’t help but journal.  Tonight marks the first night of no longer sleeping at “our home”. (If you don’t know, we sold our house & are purchasing another but have to stay with my folks until that home is vacated.)  Up until this point I have been nothing but excited to move.  The house we are moving into is over double the size of the one we are in now, it’s in a much nicer neighborhood, & has a central location which makes commuting to just about anywhere in town, quick & easy.  So why, all of a sudden, am I struck with bittersweet emotion?  I can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness.  It’s in my tiny little house that I watched a newborn turn into a toddler.  It’s in that home that my then, boyfriend Jared, & I shared our first magical kiss & proclaimed our deepest, most intimate feelings for one another.  It’s in that home that I was so deeply comforted in the arms of God on numerous, memorable occasions.  It’s there that I met the perfect neighbors in every sense of the word.  We love you Bonnie & Ted!  It’s in that home that my wonderful friends ripped up pink carpet & turned my spare bedroom into the most adorable little boy’s nursery imaginable.  It’s in that very home that Jared & I celebrated the night of our engagement & spent hours upon hours planning our wedding.  I could go on & on with the memories that have accumulated over the past 3 years.  Everything about our cute little house is personalized from the paint to the flower bed.  It screams ”Jared, Shannon, & Chandler!”  Yet, here we are abandoning this structure that we call our home.  Don’t get me wrong, I am ecstatic over our new house but our quaint little home on Sunset Drive will always have a piece of my heart & hold memories that will never be forgotten.

Better Than Sex Recipes:

I recently went to a Mary Kay party & the hostess, Susan, made the most delicious Margarita’s I’ve ever tasted.   My husband even loved it!  This is substantial because he is a “Margarita Snob” & even has a Margarita named after him at The Cellar Restaurant that he invented.  So, if he likes it, it’s passed the ultimate critic test.  Here is the recipe, courtesy of Susan:

• 1 can Limeade
• 1/2 can Triple Sec
• 1 can Tequila
• 1 Beer (the brand makes no difference.  In Susan’s words “Just use whatever you have left over from camping.”)
• Cover the rim of glass in Margarita salt & pour over ice

The beer makes it frothy & the Limeade makes it delicious!  Store leftovers in your freezer.  Due to the alcohol it will not freeze but rather turn into a refreshing slushy. 

Next is one of my all time favorites but tonight was the first time I have ever attempted to make it myself.  (We all know I’m not much of a cook.)  It’s called “Better Than Sex Cake.”  Whether or not the title suits it is a matter of opinion but rest assured it is up for debate!  It’s THAT yummy!

• Bake a German chocolate cake per instructions on box.
• While cake is still warm, poke a bunch of holes in it with the handle of a wooden spoon.
• Drizzle a can of sweetened condensed milk over it and let it absorb.
• Then drizzle a jar of Carmel ice cream topping and let it soak in.
• Cool completely and frost with 8 oz. of cool whip.
• Crush up 4 or 5 Heath candy bars and sprinkle on it.

Everyone in your household will be thanking you, especially your own taste-buds!

Have a safe & fun Labor Day tomorrow everyone!

Protected: Memory Trail (If you are a friend or relative & want to read this the password is the last name of Jared in the song Bryan wrote for him. If you’re still unclear, send me an email.)

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What I’ve Learned At The Beach

• 9 year old boys are capable of catching sharks with fishing poles
• Heather holds her composure quite well when narrowly missing a ride on a giant sting ray
• Poop should be ‘S’ shaped but the really adventurous will shoot for an ‘H’
• Rules are made to be broken & communication is meant to be gestured
• Auctioneers aren’t British but they do say “Person Person Person Person…”
• Dimi isn’t afraid to tell people to “get out their rolls”
• Little boys will eat & poop sand (Maybe ‘S’ is for sand!)
• Spying on a party from the dark shadows of a sandy alley way isn’t nearly as fun as being invited
• Saying “good-bye” is never fun
• Shopping for PBS movie-star attire isn’t as easy as one might think
• My son can bust a move & has grace like his Mother (poor child)
• If it looks like poop & smells like poop it probably is poop
• 12 year old girls with old souls are delightful
• Being sexist is not the sexiest & orchids do not grow in orchards
• It is a given you will flash other beach goers at least once when playing with waves
• My belly can fit more food in it than should be physically possible
• Red wagons are a life saver
• If you rent a surf board you might end up with “surf boys”
• Cops eat bagels & drink cappuccino rather than donuts & coffee
• Heather needs some practice swimming before her triathlon
• Nick is the much cooler version of David Hasselhoff
• Not having a camera sucks
• Moscato mixed with Sprite Zero is yummy
• If you’re stuck in traffic, it is possible to jump out, run for the nearest gas station, go potty, & catch back up to the car
• Papa Joe looks cute snuggled up in a pink Hannah Montana blankie
• My nieces & nephew are quite content being stuffed in a creepy dark closet with nothing but sleeping bags, pillows, & the Incredibles
• WID does not stand for “We Is Dooley’s”
• When you don’t change your swim trunks often you end up walking like a cowboy
• Entertainment comes wrapped in white socks & croc’s
• Beware of the sand castle nazi & his waterproof camera
• Listerine is a misquito repelent
• I am extremely privelaged to be part of the Dooley & Wilker bunch

Check out my beautiful sister-in-laws blog for more beach experiences

Love Truly Is Friendship That Has Caught Fire

When I was a little girl I would often throw on a pair of my Mother’s high heeled shoes, put a pillow case on top of my head, hold a bouquet of wild flowers, & make believe that I was a bride.  I marched down our gravel drive-way wishing for a husband who was tall, dark, & handsome.  But most of all, a man who loved me. 

I loved even more to play “house.”  I would pretend to cook, clean, & be a Mama to about 20 dolls.  (I never had to deal with any of these dolls throwing 2 year old toddler tantrums in the middle of a public place however or I may have adopted a few out.)

No matter how much joy I got out of these make believe lives of mine, there was always a key element missing.   As time went on & I grew older, I kissed a few toads but never did any of them turn into princes.  I did, however, receive the best part of one of them… my son Chandler. 

 So there I was, no longer a little girl.  I was a grown woman with these things that I once dreamt of.  A house (cleaning it, not as fun as I once envisioned), a precious little baby, & a microwave (all those years of practice in my little plastic kitchen didn’t pay off as I had hoped.)  Still, something was missing.

I eventually out grew my Mother’s shoes & I no longer tied pillow cases onto my head (at least that I’ll admit.) I did, however, find myself intentionally sleeping on one side of the bed in the hopes that one morning I would wake up & there would be my prince charming, right where I had left space for him, sleeping peacefully next to me.

The beauty of wishful thinking is that sometimes reality ends up blowing our wildest dreams out of the water.  I married my tall, dark, handsome prince one year ago this month & he brought into my life more than my naive mind ever thought possible.  I wake up to thoughtful, romantic notes at least once a week.  I hear on a regular basis “whatever makes you happy baby.”  He fills the fatherhood role he stepped into better than a champ.  He is a great provider in every sense of the word but especially when it comes to friendship, passion, intimacy, romance, support, & of course, L-O-V-E. 

As our relationship has grown, our friendship has remained at the core.  I think that in & of itself has helped to make this year seemingly effortless & without a doubt, the best & happiest 365 days of my life.  It may sound cliche to say, but I honestly wake up every single day wondering how I got so lucky.  He is my rock, the love of my life, & my eternal partner.  I love you J to the Izz- A (“like a dog loves a bone!”)  You’re not the man I wished for as a little girl….. you’re soooo much more!

Results Of The Laundry Detergent Experiment:

I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to post the results I experienced from the home-made laundry detergent recipe I tried.  I have received many requests to write about how well it ended up working but every time I start to answer that, I think ’I'd better wash just one more load before I give any feedback.’  I just really don’t want anyone spending the money & taking the time to make it only to find out that it wasn’t worth the effort.  If I am being completely honest, I’m not sure whether to give it a thumbs up or a thumbs side ways.  It definitely doesn’t deserve a thumbs down which is a plus.  After I made it, it was extremely runny & I thought for sure it was a lost cause but after letting it sit for about 3 days, it started to thicken up.  There is still quite a bit of water in it so I have to dig down in the bucket to scoop up the “goop” before putting it into my washing machine.  Because the cup in which I use to scoop it is then filled with both goop & water, I have been using 2 scoops to wash my laundry.  This, in the end, seems to defeat the purpose because I have already gone through half of the 5 gallon bucket so it is not lasting nearly as long as I was hoping.  I do wash my husbands grease soaked clothes from work (he’s a fabricator/welder) with this detergent & they come out just as clean as with my regular store bought detergent.  Same with my son’s clothes.  This makes me think the cleansing benefits must be there but I am someone who needs a clean smell before I believe it is clean & you don’t get that from this detergent unless you put scented oils in it which I did not do.  If you decide to make this, & you are anything like me, I would suggest adding them.  As for the amount of detergent to use, you may be safe with the reccommended suggestion (scroll down to my post about making it if you are unlcear of how much to use.)  I personally am neurotic over getting things clean.  I even have a hard time buying cheap soap to mop my floor or disinfectant spray because I worry that the inexpensive, watered down versions won’t do as good of a job.  So keep that in mind when trying to decide if this is something you want to test on your own.  The doubts I have may just end up being my own.  I am still using what I have left of this detergent so it must be doing something right if I haven’t immediately switched back to a regular brand.  Given what is costs to make this I would give you a green light and say go for it.  It was very simple & not time consuming to make.  You can then form your own opinion about it.  If you do, I would love to hear your personal feedback.