Knocked Up!

Hey ya’ll,

After much praying & getting feedback from you guys, as well as doing some studying, I decided against taking Lupron.  However, I made an appointment to start other fertility drugs this Thursday.  I am thrilled to say though, that won’t be necessary!  I took 2 pregnancy tests last night & both said “Way to go Jared!  You did it!”  Ok, really, they just gave me 2 pink lines but it’s basically the same thing, right?  Hip hip hooray!  I cannot even begin to express our excitement & joy.  Whomever said the power of prayer doesn’t work needs some serious prayers said for them!  What are the odds, we would go through everything we’ve been through & two days before I am to start fertility meds, we would find out there is a bun in the oven?  God is so great you guys!  Last month the doctor was telling me my odds were at 50% and decreasing therefore I need to be put into early menopause, and this month I am pregnant.  I am in love with the circumstances in my life right now.  I appreciate this gift so much more given everything we have been through.  It is still a waiting game given our miscarriage history but we are remaining hopeful and optimistic.  Please keep us in your prayers while we soar through the first trimester.  Love to you all!

Lupron & Endometriosis

I’m writing this post with the hopes that I can get some advice so even if you are a visitor to my blog, please feel free to leave me a comment.  Every word is appreciated.

As most of you know I had surgery 6 months ago to remove endometriosis.  It has now been a full year of trying to conceive since our miscarriage with no luck.  My doctor asked me to come back in yesterday & has said my only option is to be put into menopause for 6 months with a drug called Lupron.  It consists of monthly injections & a whirlwind of side effects, as you can imagine while forcing my body to grow through “the change.”  It will temporarily disolve what is left of the endometriosis & after 6 months the hope is we’ll start with a clean palate & be able to conceive.  My endo is more severe than I had originally understood.  My doctor said that after every cycle I am decreasing my chances of ever becoming pregnant.  Right now I am 50% less likely to get pregnant than I was a year ago.  Therefore, if I wait another year without treatment who knows what my odds will be.  However, something in my gut is telling me this Lupron isn’t the answer for me.  And maybe that’s just because it scares me (especially after the horror stories I read online about it causing permanent menopause in your 20′s) or maybe it’s something more.  All I know is when I have gone against my gut in the past, I later regret it.

If anyone has thoughts, suggestions, or personal testimonies, please please please let me know.  There are a few endomitriosis specialists out there in other states who cut the endo out permanently rather than burn it off.  From my understanding it is extremely expensive though & hard to get insurance companies to pay for it.  I have horrible insurance for myself which makes me extra nervous.

Sorry my past 2 post have been nothing short of depressing.  Sometimes when life sends pain & trials all it once, it’s easiest to type them up & get it off the brain so that I can move on to focusing on all the great blessings in my life like my one in a million husband & my little angel Chandler.  Thanks for taking the time to read them & I promise to get some happier stuff on here soon!  I love you all!

Think Unrealistic Ads Don’t Affect Young Girls? Think Again.

I have an amazing friend.  She is smart, funny, loving, & so much fun to be around.  We met nearly 10 years ago & instantly bonded.  My first thought upon seeing her was “WOW! That girl is stunning!”  She is loyal to her core & beautiful beyond words.  These are the characteristics I see when I look into my friend’s big, beautiful, brown eyes.  However, I see something more.  I see pain & fear.  Regret & exhaustion.  Despair & anguish.  Confusion & sadness.  For inside of her lives a great demon.  A dictator, if you will, always putting her down, telling her she’s not good enough, blinding her from seeing her true beauty that is so obvious to the rest of the world.  It is a man’s voice & he uses food to control her.  Her worth is based on how many calories she has consumed that day.  He does not allow her to fulfill her own emotional needs but forces her to be the ultimate people pleaser.  We call him ED.  ED is like that domestic abuser the abusee just won’t leave.  I hate ED.  I hate him for slowly taking my friend’s life .  I hate him for the years I personally spent shackled & chained to him.  I love that I was eventually able to break free but I hate that my friend has not.  After years of struggling, she is losing her battle.  ED is killing her.  It started with her spirit & now I fear he will take the rest of her.  A heart specialist was called in to deal with her cardiovascular issues.  Her own body has begun to eat away at her brain as the last source of nutrition it can find.  I can see my friend slowly disappearing both physically & mentally.  A nurse recently told her that even her breath carries the scent of a body shutting down.  Unless something changes, she could quite soon be leaving behind a 4-year-old child, parents who love her dearly, & friends who would do anything for her.  I know all too well the thoughts she is having.  The pain, guilt, & embarrassment she is overcome with.  I also know the strength it takes to climb a mountain of hope on a rope of faith & what it’s like to throw those burdens, along with ED, off the side of that mountain once you reach the top.  I just wish there were a way to get her to see that spectacular view.  She’s sees it’s possible based on my own recovery, the challenge is getting her to see herself in that position of health.  She is a Christian & has been so brave in getting help from our assistant pastor, even in the middle of the night which is a huge step for a people pleaser.  I am so proud of her for the steps she has taken, she just needs the courage to take more.  She was on her way to an eating disorder facility last week after an intervention but lost the courage and came home.  For someone who has never been through this, it’s easy to judge & say “that was stupid!”  Let me tell you this, it is one of the most terrifying experiences, to this day, that I have ever been through.  The control an eating disorder has over a mind is incomprehensible unless you have experienced it.  It is hell on earth & yet somehow, when you struggle with it, life on earth without it seems like hell.  It’s a horrible vicious cycle.  So don’t judge.  Just pray.  Please pray for my hurting friend.  Please pray for her health & for a positive attitude that is strong & courageous & willing to do all it takes to win this battle.  There is light at the end of the tunnel baby girl.  Grab hold of the slightest glimpse & go after it without looking back.  You are so much more than this nasty disease.  It does not define you!  You were made in God’s beautiful image & that is the only voice you need to listen to.

Below, is the website for Dove.  They have a foundation dedicated to the self-esteem of young girls.  Please check out the videos if you have a young daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece, or if you have self esteem issues of your own.  Adolesance is when the spiraling decent begins.  You talk to your kids about smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, etc… why not talk to them about this too?  Eating disorders & suicide are the leading cause of death in teenage girls & young women.  The LEADING cause.  It’s no longer a taboo subject.  If you don’t talk to them, someone else will & it may not be in a negative context.  It’s the new peer pressure.

www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca  – click on “a dove film” at the top & you will be directed to the list of videos.  They are powerful.

ALSO, if you want a better visual understanding of what goes on inside someones mind when they have an addiction Kayla & Kupono from So You Think You Can Dance, Season 5, did a POWERFUL piece where Kupono is the addiction & Kayla is trying to break free.  It is the most powerful lyrical dance number I have ever witnessed.  Just google “So you think you can dance kayla & kupono addiction” & you can watch it on youtube.  (Thank you Breclyn for telling me about this.  It is AWESOME!)